1 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:18,975 RJ, don't forget to take out the, uh... 2 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:24,763 - What you looking at? - Nothing. 3 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:25,982 You're looking at pictures of that Jenny Swanson girl 4 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,984 again, aren't you? 5 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,551 Maybe. 6 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,032 Still dreaming of her golden skadoosh? 7 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,250 Dreaming's all I'll ever do. 8 00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:36,775 Come here. 9 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,734 Cop a squat with Daddy. 10 00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:48,657 RJ, you're a Berger man. 11 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,093 And if there's one thing Berger men know, 12 00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,922 it's how to bag chicks. 13 00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,793 You want to know your problem? 14 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:58,275 You're aiming way up here right out of the gate. 15 00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:01,235 You know what your grandpa Sam once said to me? 16 00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,454 He said, "Son, you gotta hump a few clunkers 17 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,587 before you can fondle a Ferrari." 18 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,201 Uh, Dad, as far as my balls are concerned, 19 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:12,855 the wheel hasn't even been invented yet. 20 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:15,640 I wouldn't know the first thing what to do. 21 00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:17,381 Well, that's the great thing about clunkers. 22 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,122 You can knock 'em up against a few walls, 23 00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:20,297 leave cigarette burns in the upholstery, 24 00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,908 and dump 'em in a ditch. 25 00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,608 I'm glad we had this talk. 26 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:28,305 Don't forget to take out the trash. 27 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:04,602 My name is RJ Berger, 28 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,300 and I think a clunker just pulled 29 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,997 into my neighbor's driveway. 30 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,143 - Oh, thatkind of Indian. - Yeah. 31 00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:28,670 - Yeah, she's gettable. - Well, you know, Dad told me 32 00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:30,541 I needed to aim a little lower. 33 00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:33,196 Said I needed to hump a clunker 34 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:35,285 before I handle a Ferrari. 35 00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:38,027 Well, your father has some nerve. 36 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:41,073 - What do you mean? - Sweetie, Daddy was my clunker. 37 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,553 The first time we rubbed nasties, 38 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,989 I was really thinking about rubbing nasties 39 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,556 with Jeremy Jessup. 40 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,384 Please don't say "rubbing nasties." 41 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,387 He was the star of the football team. 42 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:53,216 He was the star of every team. 43 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,436 He was built like a horse. 44 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,830 - All right. - Like a Bavarian warmblood. 45 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,354 I need to get to class. 46 00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,356 All that power at his disposal, 47 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,792 - all that stamina! - Mom! 48 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,273 Sorry. 49 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,623 All I'm saying is just be careful. 50 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,364 Sometimes you wind up liking the clunker 51 00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:14,194 and driving it around for good. 52 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,760 For the rest of your life. 53 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,851 Oh, well, chop-chop. 54 00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:23,464 Have a good day. 55 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,731 - Oh! - Oh, thatkind of Indian. 56 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,737 Yeah. She's gettable. 57 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,782 You know who else is gettable, RJ? 58 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,611 Me, right now. 59 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,874 I even carved your initials into my hair... 60 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,660 Kanye-style. 61 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,270 Where? 62 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:50,099 You're looking a little far north. 63 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,275 - Ugh! - Hey, maybe you could 64 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,146 put in a good word with the new girl. 65 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,061 I mean, after all, don't they worship cows 66 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,149 in India? 67 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,456 Hey, that reminds me. 68 00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,893 Your mom is dead and everybody hates you. 69 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,637 - Um, hi. - Hi. 70 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,639 Uh, I'm RJ Berger. 71 00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,554 Uh, I'm your new next-door neighbor. 72 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:13,035 Ah, yes, you're the boy 73 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,515 who's been staring at me from the bushes 74 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,995 in his backyard. 75 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:18,997 Oh, it's quite all right. I'd stare at me, too. 76 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:21,217 I stick out like a shite in tartar sauce around here. 77 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,567 Although I'd prefer to be eating that to whatever this is. 78 00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,743 Yes, I bring my lunch on Thursdays. 79 00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,615 Duly noted. 80 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,965 I'm Claire, by the way. I'm Claire Sengupta. 81 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,836 Nice to meet you, officially. 82 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,925 Would you like to eat with my friends and I? 83 00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,753 I think I would, actually. 84 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,668 This school is just... it's a bit intimidating. 85 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,148 - I know, I know. - It's, uh... 86 00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:41,803 kinda think of it like a minefield, you know? 87 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,718 It's like in every corner there's a different clique, 88 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,154 waiting to blow you to pieces. 89 00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:46,373 - Oh. - There's, uh, the goths. 90 00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,943 - The theater geeks. - Defend yourself, scoundrel. 91 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:54,903 The nerds. 92 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,732 And, of course... the jocks. 93 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:00,865 Who's the blonde? 94 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,258 She's rather stunning, isn't she? 95 00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:10,353 - Oh, uh, Jenny? - Mm-hmm. 96 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,312 - She's okay. - Uh, guys? 97 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,142 I would like to introduce you to Claire. 98 00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,188 Mm. 99 00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,972 Hola. 100 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:24,585 Mi nombre es Miles. 101 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:27,849 - Claire. - Lovely to meet you. 102 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,198 Hi. I'm Claire. 103 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,591 Uh-huh. 104 00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:34,725 Bad move, noob. 105 00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:37,511 Looks like somebody sat you in coach on accident, 106 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,730 but, um, we got room at our table 107 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,297 - if you want to upgrade... - Upgrade! 108 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,691 - ...to first class. - Oh, well, actually, 109 00:05:43,778 --> 00:05:45,606 I'm fine right here, thanks. 110 00:05:45,693 --> 00:05:46,998 "Actually, I'm fine right here, thanks. 111 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,086 I'm Crocodile Dundee!" 112 00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,353 Oh, see, you think I'm from Australia, 113 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,615 but really, I'm from London. 114 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:55,964 Well, originally, from India, but... 115 00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,835 Crikey! 116 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,229 I got stabbed in the heart by a stingray! 117 00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,059 Also Australia. 118 00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:05,930 So you gonna ditch the dorks or what? 119 00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:08,629 Or what? 120 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,282 Well, I know it's only my first day, 121 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,720 but, frankly, they seem a lot cooler than you two. 122 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,596 - Whatever. - Whatever. 123 00:06:19,683 --> 00:06:22,860 - Have fun, - Dances with Losers. 124 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,253 Losers. 125 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,298 Close, but that's the wrong Indian. 126 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,083 And thanks, I shall. 127 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:34,872 Dude, you got across-the-street panini! 128 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,134 It's like somebody just handed you 129 00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:38,006 your very own vagina-dispensing ATM! 130 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,964 - Or my very own clunker. - What? 131 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,662 My... My dad, he told me that, you know, 132 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:45,579 before I drive a Ferrari, he wants me to hump a clunker. 133 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,145 Your dad wants you to bang a car? 134 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,843 No, no, no, no, no, he wants me to like, uh... 135 00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,149 - Ho! Oh! - Okay. 136 00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:52,977 Are you ready to jazz yourself? 137 00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,631 Look at that. 138 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,111 Where do you come up with these things? 139 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,201 I just really wanted to apologize 140 00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,464 for what happened earlier at lunch. 141 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,900 You know how boys can be. 142 00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,902 That's very sweet of you, but I'm fine. 143 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:07,078 It didn't bother me in the least. 144 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,080 Well, let me say something that they should have. 145 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,865 - Welcome. - Thank you. 146 00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:13,171 You know who you should really bone down with? 147 00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,782 RJ Berger. 148 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,045 Oh, what a smashing idea! 149 00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,700 You take the shaft, I'll take the balls. 150 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,266 Oh! I hope he doesn't mind that we Indian girls 151 00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,877 have sideways vagi... 152 00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,748 Okay, chill, chill, chill, chill. 153 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:27,055 They're gonna think we're, like, perverts. 154 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,448 Want me to email you the clip after school? 155 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,014 Yes, please. 156 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,024 All right, be cool. 157 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,243 Just a clunker. 158 00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:48,250 Chemistry, huh? 159 00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:51,122 Bet your favorite element is Indium. 160 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:54,778 - Sorry? - Sorry? 161 00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:57,955 Oh, right. 162 00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,043 Can you keep a secret? 163 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,876 Is that an issue of Excaliboar? 164 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,575 It's not just any issue of Excaliboar. 165 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,664 It's the ultra-rare "Return of Sir Loins-a-Lot," 166 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,144 Written by Teeram Adonzi, drawn by... 167 00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:13,971 Kristoph Linn! 168 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,628 I camped out before the midnight release 169 00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,935 - at Shaftesbury Comics. - Camped out? 170 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,415 You're an Excaliboarfan? 171 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,939 I'm not just a fan. 172 00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,028 RJ, I dressed up as Princess Piggington 173 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,725 for the last six Halloweens. 174 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:31,206 - Shut up. - You seem so surprised. 175 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,686 Um, only because I'm the biggest 176 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,514 Excaliboargeek ever. 177 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,428 Oh, really? 178 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,692 Well, I had the Excaliboaranthem 179 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:43,044 as my ringtone ever since I got my first mobile phone. 180 00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:44,611 ♪ His father was a knight ♪ 181 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,221 ♪ His mother was a boar ♪ 182 00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:47,875 ♪ Excaliboar ♪ 183 00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:53,445 Kinda my biggest hero. 184 00:08:55,056 --> 00:08:57,493 Oh, wow. 185 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,017 RJ, that is fantastic. 186 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,802 Yeah? 187 00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,673 - Thank you. - You're really good. 188 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,546 I've never shown that to anyone before, 189 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,504 especially a girl. 190 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:11,246 - Well, it's smashing. - And, besides, 191 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,378 I'm not like most girls. 192 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:16,512 I'd rather have an Xbox than a jewelry box. 193 00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,829 Listen, Mary Poppins! 194 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,527 I don't care who you are, or where you're from, 195 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,965 or how much you smell like roses and chocolate, 196 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:38,926 but RJ Berger is spoken for. 197 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,580 I'm sorry, I didn't realize. 198 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,017 Well, now you do. 199 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:46,847 I planted my flag in that boy in kindergarten, 200 00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,850 and the only place he is planting his flag 201 00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,461 is right here. 202 00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:54,245 So, step! 203 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:01,949 Wait a minute. 204 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,647 Is that one of those purity rings? 205 00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,693 - Yeah. - Yeah, it is. 206 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,738 Oh, it is. 207 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,704 What the hell, Lily? 208 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,227 - I'm in the middle of a test. - Perfect. 209 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,969 Then maybe you can 210 00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:26,234 guess who's little neighbor is a huge prude? 211 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,722 Well, it's official. 212 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,811 I'm God's urinal cake. 213 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:41,684 A beautiful girl comes halfway around the world, 214 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:45,079 moves in next door, isn't repulsed by me, 215 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:48,430 and boom! She joins the purity club. 216 00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:51,520 I mean, sorry, RJ, no snizzle for you! 217 00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,176 Dude, are you kidding? 218 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,047 This is the best thing that's ever happened to you. 219 00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,223 How so? 220 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:04,272 Sweet, innocent RJ, must I be your teacher in all things? 221 00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,491 Look, everyone knows that purity girls 222 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,580 are the hugest sluts in school. 223 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,626 Well, not everyone, teacher, since I have no freakin' idea 224 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,106 what you're talking about. 225 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,195 Lend me you ear, friend, 226 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:17,938 and let us get wood together. 227 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,941 You ever heard of a rainbow party? 228 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,899 No. 229 00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:26,381 Well, the purity kids invented them. 230 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,384 They're also called "everything butt" parties, 231 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,299 because it's everything butt sex. 232 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,259 You know, like "butt sex"? 233 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,392 - Like "butt" tith two Ts. - I get it. 234 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,482 See, that's how they stay technically pure, 235 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:44,138 by saving the baby hole for the Lord. 236 00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,575 So what goes down at these parties? 237 00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,403 Girls, RJ. 238 00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,231 Girls do. 239 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,623 Apparently, there's a punch bowl 240 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,190 filled with lipsticks, 241 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:56,411 all the colors of the rainbow. 242 00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,543 The goal is for each girl 243 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:01,546 to leave her color on as many guys as possible. 244 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,984 When they're done... 245 00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,464 each girl's left her mark. 246 00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:09,032 And by keeping the front door nailed shut, 247 00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,730 they've done it all with God's approval. 248 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,644 You are so full of it, Miles. 249 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,472 - I may be, RJ. - I may be. 250 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,387 But it's on my list of life goals 251 00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,738 to confirm these things for myself. 252 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,088 It's right up there with killing a zombie 253 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,046 and getting a tugger in space. 254 00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:35,363 Hey, Claire. 255 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,410 How you feeling... doing? 256 00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:41,021 - Well. - Thanks, RJ. 257 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,850 Cool, cool. 258 00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,590 That's uh... that's a... 259 00:12:45,677 --> 00:12:47,070 That's a really nice ring. 260 00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:50,030 Has a... has a very, like, a slimming effect. 261 00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:51,509 Right, well... 262 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:54,077 it seems I've joined the Pinkerton Purity Club, 263 00:12:54,164 --> 00:12:55,775 and... I hope you don't think that means 264 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,298 I'm uptight or something. 265 00:12:57,385 --> 00:12:59,300 - No, no, I don't... - No, I don't think anything. 266 00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:00,431 I just believe that there are things 267 00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,085 that you should cherish, you know? 268 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:03,870 There are other ways to have fun. 269 00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:07,438 - Many other ways. - Many other ways. 270 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,614 Purity, it's... it's really hard to explain, 271 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:13,401 but it's about opening yourself up to new things and new ideas, 272 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:16,447 at least that's what it was in the UK. 273 00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:20,451 Our meetings would've blown you away, RJ. 274 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,671 - Totally. - They were just... 275 00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:26,240 they were just so amazing, like so full of laughter 276 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:29,025 and closeness and spunk... 277 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,332 So much spunk. 278 00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:33,203 I can only suppose they'll be just cool as here. 279 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,683 Yeah. 280 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,032 I guess I'll see tomorrow at the initiation. 281 00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,339 Wish you could come with me. 282 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,907 I would love to come... with you. 283 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:43,170 That way you could really see us in action. 284 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,867 Yeah! 285 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:48,088 Unfortunately, they're limited to purity club members only. 286 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:48,871 Mm. 287 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,576 So, RJ, why do you want to join the purity club? 288 00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:07,759 I'm proud of you, dude. 289 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,761 Weaseling your way into the purity club? 290 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,067 Pure genius. 291 00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,895 I'm surprised you never tried it. 292 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,419 Oh, I did, but those vadge-Nazis 293 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,899 saw right through me. 294 00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:19,119 I'd have to say my favorite part of the bible 295 00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:21,904 is the book of Job. 296 00:14:21,991 --> 00:14:23,906 It's "Jobe." 297 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,865 Thou shall not use teeth. 298 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,085 So what'd you tell them that got you in? 299 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,131 Honestly, I don't even remember. 300 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,480 I just talked about God, marriage, and Kirk Cameron. 301 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,003 They ate it up. 302 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,831 Just like they're gonna eat up 303 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,354 that beautiful lipstick magnet. 304 00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,095 Which reminds me, did you trim down there? 305 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,618 - Obviously. - Attaboy. 306 00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:43,621 Can't risk a tangle. Now, I wanted to wire you up 307 00:14:43,708 --> 00:14:45,754 with a web cam, but I didn't have any time. 308 00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,017 So I was wondering if you wouldn't mind 309 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,367 taking a few snapshots for your boy Miles. 310 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:52,021 And I'm not asking you to go in there 311 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,849 paparazzi-style or anything. 312 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,633 Just a few choice pictures 313 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,461 boobs, BJs, butts. 314 00:14:57,548 --> 00:15:01,378 - Dude, seriously, come on. - How do I look? 315 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:04,207 Like a guy who's about to unhinge a few jaws. 316 00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,035 Yeah, dude, my dad was right. 317 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,646 Just, I gotta forget about Jenny Swanson. 318 00:15:08,733 --> 00:15:11,214 I gotta hump a clunker and toss her in a ditch. 319 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,305 Not just one clunker, RJ. 320 00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,655 You're about to hump a whole showroom floor 321 00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:18,787 full of them. 322 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:25,446 I have to say, I was kinda surprised when you joined, RJ. 323 00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:28,057 I mean, this whole purity thing's not for everyone. 324 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:32,235 Well, I mean, I've been pure my whole life. 325 00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,716 I guess I just never knew it was something to celebrate. 326 00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:37,458 - Oh, trust me, it is. - But I have to warn you, 327 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,286 these parties can just be a little bit awkward at first, 328 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:42,767 with everyone sort of feeling each other out. 329 00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,205 But, hey, you were kind enough to lead me around school 330 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,511 my first day, so I'd really like to return the favor. 331 00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,125 You just stick with me inside. 332 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,561 I'll take good care of you. 333 00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:01,482 Oh, great, you're here! 334 00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:05,355 ♪ I'm gonna lay down my burden ♪ 335 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,010 ♪ Down by the riverside ♪ 336 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,360 ♪ Down by the riverside ♪ 337 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:11,709 ♪ Down by the riverside ♪ 338 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:16,192 1 Thessalonians4, 7-8. 339 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,195 "For God did not call us to be impure, 340 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:21,241 "but to live a holy life. 341 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:23,808 "Therefore, he who rejects this instruction 342 00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:27,421 does not reject man, but God." 343 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,728 Mmm! Amen. 344 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,295 Amen. 345 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,515 - Damn it, Miles. - Sorry? 346 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,822 I know it's boring, RJ, but don't worry. 347 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:39,781 The fun part's coming. 348 00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:43,393 Which brings us to donation time. 349 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,091 Now, remember, it's your contributions 350 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,744 that keep this club going and pay 351 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:50,618 for these super fun parties. 352 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,272 Thank you. 353 00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,798 Super. 354 00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,930 Praise Jesus. 355 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,019 Thank you. 356 00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,588 How generous. Thank you. 357 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,432 It's time to formally welcome... 358 00:17:22,519 --> 00:17:25,957 ♪ I'm gonna tell everybody ♪ 359 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,482 ♪ His day will come ♪ 360 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,398 ♪ You're gonna feel His love ♪ 361 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,095 ♪ Gonna tell everyone ♪ 362 00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,227 ♪ He'll set you free ♪ 363 00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:36,098 Our new members to the club. 364 00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:39,275 ♪ The kingdom of Jesus ♪ 365 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:43,714 ♪ Has come ♪ 366 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:44,672 ♪ Oh, Lord ♪ 367 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,334 This isn't how we did it in England. 368 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:55,683 My dear. 369 00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,388 Noah's Ark, that's a lot of wood! 370 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,132 It's one of God's miracles. 371 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,133 Mmm. 372 00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,315 They're so amazing. 373 00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:23,754 Like, so full of laughter and closeness and spunk. 374 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,148 You just stick with me inside. 375 00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:28,411 I'll take good care of you. 376 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,761 I know it's boring, RJ, but don't worry. 377 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,589 The fun part's coming. 378 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,299 Do you mind if I say grace first? 379 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:53,262 - Claire! Claire, wait! - What do you want? 380 00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:55,177 - You... you... you said that... - You said the fun was... 381 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,092 - You left! - Of course I left, RJ! 382 00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,746 You said the fun was just starting! 383 00:18:58,833 --> 00:18:59,877 I meant confessions and games 384 00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,923 and listening to music! 385 00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,491 I meant making new friends, not reading bible verses 386 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,667 and getting my arse violated! 387 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,016 What the hell's the matter with you people? 388 00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:09,844 Claire! Claire! Claire! 389 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,150 I'm not into that stuff. 390 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,239 Then why did you join? 391 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:22,900 Because you did it to be near me. 392 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:25,251 Because you thought I was one of those 393 00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,992 lipstick floozies. 394 00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:33,259 You're not mad? 395 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,262 I mean, I suppose I should be a bit insulted, 396 00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:38,089 but it is rather sweet, isn't it? 397 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,615 I mean, it's daft, yes, but it's sweet also. 398 00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:44,270 A boy going though that much trouble to be near a girl 399 00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:47,403 he's already neighbors with. 400 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,450 But not as sweet as that same boy choosing 401 00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:52,191 to walk me home instead of getting 402 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,715 his balls drained by half a dozen slags. 403 00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:59,937 - Yeah. - I mean, who needs that? 404 00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:01,939 ♪ And we'll fall ♪ 405 00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,681 ♪ Into a hole called love ♪ 406 00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,338 ♪ And we'll fall ♪ 407 00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,687 Well, then? 408 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,256 Well, then. 409 00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:18,173 ♪ And we'll fall into ♪ 410 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,609 ♪ Hello, my dear ♪ 411 00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,263 ♪ Where do we go from here? ♪ 412 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,699 ♪ Well, I ask you again ♪ 413 00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:24,440 ♪ Because it's really unclear ♪ 414 00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,399 ♪ And it's hard to wrap my finger round ♪ 415 00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,314 My name is RJ Berger, 416 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:30,185 and I think I might like the clunker. 417 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,191 Next on The Hard Times of RJ Berger. 418 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:37,323 It's getting kinda late, RJ. 419 00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:38,498 There's no way he's hitting that. 420 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,326 I got a tugger from her last night. 421 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:41,544 I lied. That makes me no better 422 00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,372 than those future date rapists. 423 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,113 I heard a disturbing rumor. 424 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,028 I spread like four rumors a day. 425 00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,464 Have you been telling people that I let you 426 00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:49,900 motor-boat my boobs? 427 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,075 You want to fight me? 428 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,338 Thanks for agreeing to train me. 429 00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,470 Gotta stay frosty, bitch. 430 00:20:54,557 --> 00:20:56,298 Hey, fatty, it's go-time.